Girl Talk – SeX
There was an article in the Independent the other day about my after-school clubs project. I’m pretty happy with it, only I wanted to go over the point made about ‘sexual images.’ To clarify, I didn’t say that sexual images upset girls. That was written around a quote when I was asked a question about the sexual nature of some other popstars and over sexualisation of young people. I did say what I said in the quote that “It’s about encouraging the girls to write in a secure environment without feeling judged about the way you look”. But I didn’t name names of other popstars, I don’t tend to do that as I think it’s trashy. The whole sexualisation of young people thing is a weird debate that can get complicated. This is where I stand on it. Everyone should be able to express themselves sexually how they want to (obviously as long as you are not hurting others! and obviously if you’re like an 8 year old and into pole dancing I don’t think that’s cool, oh and I think selling thongs for 8 year olds is totally fucked also). What makes me bummed out is that a lot of girls especially at a young age feel like the only thing they have to offer is their sexuality and their looks. This is what sucks about the situation. If you are aware of your options, you feel strong and good about it and you are doing what you want then it doesn’t matter how you dress or how sexual you are or aren’t. If you don’t feel good and you’re selling something so that you can get respect or power for doing that sexual stuff then it gets depressing because I hate to think of anyone not having self worth and not valuing themselves and not having options. That’s what the problem is for me, people not having options, or not feeling confident, being used sexually or not having a say in what they want sexually, feeling like they have to do something to get respect and (not doing it for themselves and their own pleasure (hello!)). And I think you get a lot of that pressure at school. A lot of girls give guys blow jobs from a young age but how many guys are caught going down on girls in the school cupboard? None at mine, probably none at yours. See there’s a distinct difference between sexuality between girls and boys at school. It’s like a power thing. (I mean it carries on after school but you can kinda create your own world a bit more when you leave school) I remember guys talking about sex openly and boasting about getting head and girls being trashed because of the way her vagina or boobs looked, that she was dirty and trashy and did “weird stuff”. If a guy went down on a girl that was seen as kinda gross, for both the guy to have done it and the girl who “allowed” it.
It’s a massive problem that not enough girls feel good about themselves as people and about their bodies and that they’re doing sexual favours for guys who don’t show them respect. Girls aren’t taught to value themselves as much as guys. I mean that’s like a whole “the structures of society have been built that way for so long” kind of issue. Why would you value yourself as an individual with a mind as well as a body if the world doesn’t really send out those messages and hasn’t done for hundreds of years. Maybe that’s why a lot of the girls I’ve spoken to at schools feel so worried about becoming musicians, they feel like they will be solely judged on the way they look and their bodies, and A LOT of people DO judge women on that alone which is rubbish. But not everyone will, and we need to change that the fact that some people do, the only way you can make change is with action!
24 Comments
Ilgen Brrli
Kate you are so damn right and inspirational!Thanks to give this important message to lots of other people.I’m so fucking ready to rock the world stages!Thanks grrl thanks!
02 Jan 2012 11:01 pm (@Twitter)
Annmarie wakeling
so great to hear intelligent ,liberated views. It is great that you speak so truthfully and freely and give an alternative authentic view. we need more people like yourself to speak out. Thankyou for inspiring people
10 Jan 2012 06:01 pm (@Twitter)
Ebony
This is amazing. You are my idol Kate, I absolutely adore you. The respect you have towards people is incredible. This post is so meaningful. i love you.
03 Jan 2012 12:01 am (@ebonylovesyoux)
Lea
I totally agree!!!
09 Mar 2012 07:03 pm (@Twitter)
Teresa, 19, from Vienna
Oh, Kate Nash… Lately, I’ve been thinking about how some people either make the world a better or a worse place. I think many of the things you do, say, sing, write, and construct make a difference for the better. So thank you for that!
03 Jan 2012 12:01 am (@Twitter)
Kevin Riechel
Awesome text, Kate.
And after all your words about this pressure women have on them by our machist society to be sexy, beautiful and thin even when they don’t want to or they’re not like this, sucks. There’s also an another point that makes me so angry, it’s the responsability we put on girls about themselves even when it’s not their fault. How many times do we have to hear things like “- Oh, that girl was raped!” “- Obviously! did you see her clothes?!”. No! It doesn’t work like this. A woman should be free to put on whatever clothes she wants to or feel like wearing in that moment and it doesn’t give anyone the right to touch her without her permission or in our routine, when a girl get pregnant and we blame her for not using condom and when we question like ‘shouldn’t we blame the guy who was with her too?” and someone says “no. She is a girl. she should take care of her body, everyone knows men don’t have sef-control”. Im sorry, but if these boys are created to grown and have no self-control, they shouldn’t live in our society because it’s not like this it was supposed to work.
These two examples I said happen everytime, so many times that we don’t even notice them anymore and that’s why they’re so dangerous. We’re daily fucking up women rights as a individual person and not even noticing that. I wonder how we could let it get in such a rubbish point.
It’s hard to live in a place where you’re just respected as human if you’re a white straight man with money…
03 Jan 2012 12:01 am (@Twitter)
Courtney
amazing xox
04 Apr 2012 10:04 pm (@Twitter)
Beks
Well said! I completely agree!!!
03 Jan 2012 01:01 am (@Inknpaperz)
yasmin
I love this, Ive recently started to write a blog. People will be so grateful once they have read this. I am in the same boat, im seventeen and trying to make it in the music industry. As i am a size 16 I know people in the Industry will Judge but I will try my hardest to not allow them to ruin my chances.
Thanks so much for writing such a great blog.
p.s Your album is sensational.
x
03 Jan 2012 02:01 am (@yasminjaber1)
Offensive « To see a heaven in a wild flower.
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Louise
So nice to read an honest blog post, from someone so influential.
You’re such a good role model, Kate. I think ALL young girls should read this, they’d learn so much.
I hate how guys still seem to view themselves as superior to girls, especially at a young age (but it doesn’t get much better as you get older! women just grow more okay with the idea of saying ‘no’.) Something definitely needs to change!
03 Jan 2012 01:01 pm (@@louiseeeeeeee)
andy walker
fantastic stuff kate. so right what your saying . being a “older” fan of yours(and male!) i can say that if seen alot of what you talk about in every part of life and its so wrong. i grow up as a punk in the early 80,s into bands like crass/dirt and this was one of the only places that woman seemed to stand along side men and this is how it should be now,sadly its not.
i’ve been to lots of your gigs and felt very moved by the stuff you say and think that you write with great feeling. i look forward to your next release hoping that you use some of these ideas in your songs.
i may be 47!! but you take me back to the days of watching ‘huggy bear’ and bikini kill back in the 1990′s. more power to you and keep fighting,there is a lot of people with you
03 Jan 2012 02:01 pm (@Twitter)
Pedro Dewberry
Real clear web site , regards for this post.
03 Jan 2012 03:01 pm
Kaye Toal
Hi Kate! This blog is fabulous. I’m a blogger for SPARK Movement (http://sparkmovement.org/), a feminist nonprofit based in NYC that focuses on combating the sexualization of young girls and women. We range in age from 13 to 22 (and quite a few of us are fans of yours, actually), and we write about, well, everything, our most recent campaign being the protest movement against the LEGO Ladyfigs.
We were wondering if you’d be interested in doing a guest blog on women’s sexualization in music or the media (or both)? We would love, love, love to have your angle on these kinds of issues, though of course we understand if you’re busy!
If you’re interested, please feel feel free to contact me! My email is kaye.toal@gmail.com. Thank you so much!
04 Jan 2012 02:01 am (@ohkayewhatever)
Dionne Wilison
I am glad that I found this web blog , just the right info that I was looking for! .
04 Jan 2012 07:01 am
Michael Hasenauer
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05 Jan 2012 05:01 am
kate kennedy
thank you for making me NOT feel like shit like the rest of the world. it means a lot.
07 Jan 2012 04:01 am (@Twitter)
Wife Bucket
Hurrah, that’s what I was searching for, what a material! existing here at this website, thanks admin of this website.
11 Jan 2012 06:01 am
Caitlin
i actually love you, i am 14 and its true this is like literally the best thing i’ve read and because it comes from you it inspires me even more, i pretty much spend all my spare time reading these and they’re making me more determind to become a musician as all my fears are like boom gone.. and i’m so thankful, and it’s not even because you’re like my favorite person in the world you’re the best idol i could ever ask for and for that i love you, thank you so so so much xxxxx
23 Jan 2012 09:01 pm (@@blancheyy)
A
I think Mansion Song is great and fantastic and very important and I think that a lot of people (including me) will be a bit shocked and taken by surprise the first time they here it, but if one’s first reaction is “this is horrendous/scandalous/outrageous” and then they think about WHY it is said adjective, they realize that there is a lesson to be learned. The first response is just a consequence of the society into which we are brought up.
31 Jan 2012 03:01 pm (@Twitter)
Kay
Thank you Kate! I wish everyone would read this. I’m so sick of women being over sexualized and men thinking their deserve sexual favors (of course not every woman or man falls into these stereotypes, but there deffinately is this sort of mind set in society). Mansion song was always one of my favorites off that album, its so shocking at first but if you listen to the lyrics they are so relevant. By selling yourself out as a sexual object you only depreciate your self worth as it appears to others, sad but true. Hopefully people can start to find a happy median between being able to express their sexuality and not being consumed by it.
20 Feb 2012 03:02 pm (@Twitter)
M-a-c-a-r-e-n-a
You are absolutely right. I am very proud of talented women like you that knows about the dangers of being “sexual objects” dependent on sex/image to gain power. I think it is an epidemy and the problem is that barely anybody thinks that is an actual problem! Thank you so much because you are a great role model.
04 Mar 2012 06:03 am (@Twitter)
Valerie
Kate,I hope you’re reading this! You’re my biggest idol along with Lily Allen…you insprire me in every way and I just love that you’re always honest,you’re not like the others and you’re specialt! I refer to almost every song of you cause I’m just like you…it’s like you’re writing down my own thoughs
And again I’m agree to what you’re saying here,I see those girls at school who are trying to get attention and it fucking sucks. Without clothes on you get many boys who treat you like shit,but with clothes on you get respect.
05 Mar 2012 06:03 pm (@https://twitter.com/Valilney)
Louise
Kate, is there anyway to contact you?
Currently doing a research & dissertation on whether image should be important in the music industry, relating to modern feminist issues!
Please get in touch, as I’d love to interview you on this topic.
Thanks!
07 Mar 2012 01:03 pm (@Twitter)
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